CASHCREAT.COM

check this out!its awesome!

http://www.cashcrate.com/
you can get money here and pay nothing for that at all!i just got my first 15 cents and am looking forward for more woohoo!

thank you

ryan thank you so much for being there for me you really helped a lot. i didn't know i would get help with my depression from you really. thank you i appreciate it. thank you for being a brother. thank you for being sensitive and understanding.

another one of my emotional break downs

I've been having loads of emotional break downs lately. all about my weight . TO EVERYONE OUT THERE, I DO KNOW I'M SKINNY, OR YOU THINK I'VE NEVER SEEN MYSELF IN THE FUCKING MIRROR. every single new person i meet "compliments" me on how fucking skinny i am. YANA, OMG YOU'RE SO SKINNY! (oh really!! i didn't notice:/) YOU SHOULD EAT MORE!(seriously?that's what you do to gain weight???wow!usually i don't do that stuff, i don't eat, at all :/)ARE YOU ANOREXIC??(yes, i am because of your fucking questions) ARE YOU HAVING AN EATING DISORDER??(yeah, a very huge eating disorder, i consume as much calories a day as you do in a week, that's a disorder :/)
PEOPLE, PLEASE STOP RUBBING IT INTO MY FACE. you think i'm happy about it? i've never cared till i've met you all and started hearing this shit nearly every day. now i cry myself to sleep frequently. i'm anorexic and soon will be depressed if you all don't stop. trust me i eat A LOT A L-O-T i just can't help it!it doesn't depend on me!

and shakeel, you can go to hell and fucking burn there. no kidding. was very "nice" of you telling me that i'll die in two year because i'm underweight. thanks.

and mom, thank you for being nice and everything, saying that i'm perfectly fine but i'd rather have you watching my diet. but thank you anyway.

i've had enough

you know what...i've had enough...really..
i was waiting for you to talk to me for like the whole day..texted you.thank you for being sensitive.

yana:hey,where are you?
*about four hours passed*
carey:on the train home.
yana*overjoyed he actually replied*:oo,talk to me i'm bored to death and i miss you(how pathetic can i get)
carey:not now.i'm kinda held up.
nice right. i'm sick of it.yesterday i though of giving you the fucking last chance and you said you don't wanna miss your chance with me and i thought i'm not giving up, but who am i kidding. come on.you don't like me.you just don't.you created it,made it up.you say you like me bla bla bla bullshit. at this point i almost cried but you..you're an insensitive pig.

can't help but to insult you: Carey, you are insensitive, selfish, egoistic and stupid and you've lost all the chances i've given you.

you missed every single oh-so-obvious hint not because you didn't notice them, because you DIDN'T WANT to notice them. at this point i actually hate. how can you hurt me with your insensitivity like this. i'm complimented you on not giving a fuck, now i'm taking my words back. you have no heart and i hate you.

who am i trying to fool though, i like you, i'm attracted to you, you know what i'll even use words from the worst movie i have ever seen:you're like a drug,my own personal type of heroine(or however it goes) but now i'm so fed up and so pissed that i don't care
i need to switch to someone else and i'm trying to. i don't want you to go to States but now i feel like it's necessary to me. i can't see you everyday. it hurts. i'm not used to being all desperate. i used to be. but now you're making me feel disgusted about my own self. i really hate you..and i love you.

yes i wish we had a chance. and no i wish i didn't know you.

i don't wanna know you. i don't wanna talk to you. i don't wanna see you. get out of my face, Carey. get out of my life. you've missed your chances and you ruined our friendship.

make up your mind

i like you, really i do and you like me so what's the effin problem?? i mean seriously!you know what, if we don't take it to the next stage by next week then that's you can forget it. i'm eyeing someone else anyway so it'[s all up to you now.

Back to blogging since i have no one to talk to

wow..been a while. i took a look at your blog. god i miss those times we used to cry together for no reasona dnlaugh for no apparent reason too. why does life have to put things this way. for the good or bad, who know but it happened and there's is nothing we can do about it. keep in touch. didn't go so well after all. i can feel the ball of tears stuck in my throat bacause if i'll let it out there will be nothing to stop me. oh how much i want to turn back time. but i'm used to finding a bright side to everything. i haven't figured this one out though. maybe it's just an illusion. maybe my whole life is. but what we've had was real. friendship like this can't vanish. i wish things were at least a little different. i know you guys have your friends and i have mine. but it wouldn't hurt leaving a nice messege for me just once in a while. i'm not angry, i'm not pissed off. i just wish for someone by my side so badly that i can't help it. i don't need any random person. i need you both. i need you! i love you guys so much and sudden thoughts of you not caring hurts so bad. let's try to make a change. i beg you both.

P.S. I love you both.

I'm still in love with you

I'm still in love with you and every time I close my eyes, I see your smile just like the rain in the deserted skies. You look at me so warmly like you did with kind eyes that I'm afraid to meet. You take my hand and place a kiss right there and for the rest of all I couldn't care. My eyes are open and I can see you're gone. And once again I'm on my own- alone. Tears in my eyes. My eyes are closed again. I see your smile and I don't feel the pain. And I repeat I'm still in love with you. It's so uneasy. Tell me what to do.

Kitty-cat/kucing sial/bad-luck cat COME BACK T.T

I miss you my kitty kitty love:(

pain

Pain never comes alone. It crawls into your chest with shades of fear. Fear of losing significant one. Along comes a feeling of a meaningless life. Confidence leaves you right there, right then. You spin in a carousel of cries. You wake up, not wanting to be awake. You go to bed, not falling asleep. Spend the night rolling the same scene in your head. Seeing him, explodes your heart. Million of pieces of sharp words stick into your heart. Hurting you. It all fades after some time though still comes back to you whenever you are reminded of it. And there is nothing to medicate it but time. Only time heals it.

piece of my writing(prose this time)

To tell you honestly I was never a pussy, I was never afraid of the darkness to be exact. All these kiddo stories about vampires, boogie men, and evil spirits just never really worked for me. While everyone else in their toddler years was hiding under their blankets because it was such an awful night with lights and thunder, I could happily sit in front of the window, look outside and be totally calm and fine.
However, now it was different as if something weird came over me and just couldn’t let go. I was absolutely freaked out. I was terrified.
I was standing on the edge of the roof looking down. I was drowning in the darkness. It felt like I was falling. I think I could have even spit my guts out of my mouth. Yet I was just standing and looking down waiting for something, for someone to save me from the night and that horrible feeling. And that’s when I saw him. He took my hand. I knew it wasn’t over. He placed my hands on his chest and that’s when I felt it for the first time. I felt heat. I felt power. I felt like I could do anything at that moment, anything to make it disappear. I pulled back but he held my hand so tight that I couldn’t. I felt a huge flow of indescribable pain growing inside of me. And that’s when I woke up. And that’s when my world changed.

Help! It's an emergincy. Someone's just wounded my heart.

You’ve put the full stop.


yana says:
christian we need to talk really
{~ČĤŔĪŽ~}#①⑥ says:
why should we talk?
yana says:
you gotta stop ignorong me and tell me why you're not taling to me so that i can put a fullstop here
yana says:
and why not?
{~ČĤŔĪŽ~}#①⑥ says:
theres nothing to talk , and we didnt have a relationship, i just stop falling for you, cuz im confused...! and im sorry..my sorry wont work i knoe! so let's just stop from here...
yana says:
at least you said that
yana says:
i mean
yana says:
couldn't you say it earlier

{~ČĤŔĪŽ~}#①⑥ says:
cuz i want to make myself clear , i need time to thik .and i made a desicion already...
yana says:
{~ČĤŔĪŽ~}#①⑥ says:
sorry for that maybe we could just be friends...
yana says:
sure(we all know what it means)

{~ČĤŔĪŽ~}#①⑥ says:
i hope i dont have bad feelings for me or anything about what happen
yana says:
no i just feel hurt but it's gonna pass soon
{~ČĤŔĪŽ~}#①⑥ says:
thx.. for the time
yana says:
time?
yana says:
what do you mean?
{~ČĤŔĪŽ~}#①⑥ says:
like for meeting,chatting,and talking
{~ČĤŔĪŽ~}#①⑥ says:
and im not used to have a long distance relationship...

yana says:
yeah that would be hard it was kinda my fault too
yana says:
i fell for you too fast
yana says:
~ČĤŔĪŽ~}#①⑥ says:
yeah.
yana says:
{~ČĤŔĪŽ~}#①⑥ says:
yup..
{~ČĤŔĪŽ~}#①⑥ says:
sorry for everything//
yana says:
sorry too

{~ČĤŔĪŽ~}#①⑥ says:
it's aiite
{~ČĤŔĪŽ~}#①⑥ says:
hehehe




That night i cried my eyes out. It ended without a start.

At the edge of an emotional breakdown(pieces)

I’ve faced the consequences of falling apart nothing is left. Just my broken heart. I smile for no reason. Fond memories back. Too good to compete. Not over. No lack. Got nothing to cherish. But nothing is lost. They say everything in this world has a cost. I might not be happy I might not be sad. I might not be living I might not be dead. I praise my belongings. I scrape off my love. I tried to be stronger I tried to be tough. I prayed for the sun to give me last breath. I woke with the tears that I always have. I don’t hear the music I don’t hear the cries. I look at the sky. And I see the lies. I feel something breaking. Deep down inside. I fall on the ground. There’s no where to hide. I struggled to hold on to pieces of light. The world was immersing right into the night. I’ve seen all the troubles. I felt all the pain. Soon after it all was washed out with rain. And then I saw nothing. I just remained mute. I felt all the ease that I ever could.

piece of my writing

I don’t give a fuck for what I have done. All I was doing is just having fun. I really don’t care for your loud cries. Whatever. You know that everyone lies. You knew that someday you’ll have to face this. Here is your last hug and your one last kiss. You told me I cheated. So everyone does. Admitting I did it, will not make it lust. Calling me whore will not lead no where. You can say more. I really don’t care.

ordinary day

I miss you :)

P.S. Parents' day sucks

Christian, as you may already know, I love you.

Yes, I know I'm a lazy dossing-around pig but whatever. Updaaaateed. Straight to the point. Shut up.

I love Christian! Ok, hold it, it's not romantic.

I met him at the IFC roof garden. He turned out to be Dee's ex schoolmate. Dee, Celdron, Noel, Zoe and I were having a few drinks and decied to play thruth or dare. An all-time favorite. I was dared to come up to him and say 'I like you' which wasn't very hard as I already liked him from the first sight. And so I did. Of coarse, it bursted a wave of 'AWWWWW's and someone even said something like he likes you too?

Anyway. I officially love facebook for letting me talk to him again.

We met yesterday. He looks so good in his shool uniform. He was with his frends Lisa and Kim and I was with Doreen. We talked. I felt weird looks from his friends upon myself. Though they knew.

After that he walked me home:)

We talked online. He said he misses me. A lot. And he loves me :) I told him I love him too. I might as well be te happiest person in the entire world.

I LOVE YOU CHRISTIAN CAPINPIN.

Everyting secretive will someday be revealed

At least that's what you've tought me, mother. You know, I've never thought of you as a gossiper or a lier. Never. Anything but that. He told you that, hoping you'll keep it a secret. Why do you have to tell others? Well maybe it is not my business. However, how could you lie to me? You told me you don't get into my business. But you do! I heard what you've said! And you know what hurts the most? No, not the fact that you check my inbox. And not the fact that you mind my business and get into my personal life. But that you LIED to me. Something you've always scolded me for. Also, why don't you trust me? I know you're just being concerned and so on and i've done enough of mistakes but sometimes you just gotta trust me. I dislike this side of you a lot. I know we all have somebad quailities in us but I've never expected that from my own mother.

G's idea

Gurpreet had a great idea of puting all the photos together in a slide show. I just uploaded it though. Enjoy:) Uh yeah, those two guys I know you love'em just I like do:)

Oh, Tuesday! What a mind-blowing day! I finally have got to go out on my own insipid Chinese New Year holidays. Thank you oh dear!
At frist, Doreen and I went to sauna. Damn! That was such a nice complement to a gelid day. Ok, maybe it wans't GELID but it certainly was cold. Uh, what could be better than relaxed, gossiping around. As it turned out, XXX( I don't wanna name her) is probably a lesbian :s And might have a crush on me. Totally sick. I have nothing against those with a different sexual orientation but being an object of homo's love isn't something I've always wanted.
Anyway, after that, we went to Dee's, (where i met DanDan and Rhea once more and also, Mhae and Sharmae for the frist time), supposedely, to watch fireworks. Instead, we went to Dan's, which is like extremely far!!! Took us sooo long to get there! Can you imagine! It's WHOLE TWO LEVELES above Dee's! Good Lord! Sarcastic, I know. There we watched PEERUTES OF DA CARREEBEEANS(owned by Yana and Mhae Ltd.). Well, I didn't really watch it because I had to go home but still. Also, i've got loads and loads of red packets. Sweet:D
On the way back, I missed my bus stop and had to walk for good half an hour to get to another mtr station.
All in all it was one of a hell day since we had a lot of laughter and i've finally got to know Mhae.

Pretty damn jammy!

I've deleted my good owld blog and have started a new one.



My precious persona has been very jammy today(says in my title). I pleased my-egoistic-selfish-self-centered-wrapped up in oneself -self by taking a looong walk up to the peak. As I said, it was astonishingly 'filling the bill'. Although, my depleted legs were at the edge of breaking into a million of small meaty pieces with all the blood dripping from it with all the skin pealing off it(looks like I've gone too far) well, I was still very proud of myself.



In the evening, Robert, Ryan and I went to this STUNNING I repeat STUNNING Nepalese restaurant. Sweet mother of Lord! That tiny place with not one advertising poster has such a distressing atmosphere! The owner was such a sweetheart! He is from Nepal and so is his wife, who works as a cook. Now the food. Oh my joyful days! It was simply palatable!!! No other word to describe it, trust me! And there was one more thing that compeletely made me go 'happy-happy-joy-joy': Yes Yes! Five stars and a million of kisses go to *drum roll pease* MY DEAREST READER! Alright, straight to the point. There was this song. And the song was *ta-daa* 'Kia Sera" by Madhuri Dixit and the weird thamil guy haha. Aw, it so reminded me of those jubilant times with my dearest friends of all Mina and Yulia. Oh, I miss them.